How to answer the people who think you’re nuts?

Remember the “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” that used to run in Mad?

That’s what we need here at Free Range Kids. As a recent email from “Skyscraper” put it: “This site needs a seperate idea page for what to say when others question the ‘free-range’ parenting approach.”

So true.  What do you say when someone thinks you’re nuts for letting your 8-year-old jump rope by herself on your driveway, or for letting your pre-teen walk to school?

I’ve been doing a lot of radio interviews and I turn into a self-righteous bore when the host inevitably asks, “How could you let your son take the subway alone?”

I quote crime stats that show a child is 40 times more likely to die in a car accident than by being abducted. I appeal to common sense. I remind people that a couple of generations back, a 9-year-old probably would have had a part-time job. And then I ask the interviewer, “Didn’t you get to run around and do things by yourself when you were a kid?”

“Sure!” comes the answer, but “times have changed.” Once they get that out of the way, they go in for the kill: “How would you have felt if something DID happen to your son?”

“Uh…bad?”

So much for my years of media training.

What I really want to say is: “Terrible! Earth-shaken! I’d be cursing God — and especially the radio hosts who asked Him to zap my son just to teach me a lesson! But, Mr. Fulminator, sir, don’t you see there’s something sick about immediately and endlessly envisioning the very worst? Isn’t that the very definition of paranoia? And isn’t it wrong to teach kids that they are incapable of taking care of themselves, that they can’t trust their community, and that it is better for them to live a virtual life inside, where life is programmed, than a real life, outside, where they can glory in the wonders of the world? Are you ever going to let your kid GROW UP?”

That’s what I’d like to be able to get out, but it sounds a little hysterial and it’s not exactly pithy. So if you have any amazing zingers that really seem to open people’s eyes (or shut their mouths), we are all eager to hear them.

And even more eager to start using them.

– Lenore

Let’s come up with some solutions!

What seems clear and wonderful from most of the e-mail response is that Free Range parents are eager to raise Free Range kids. But they often come up against a couple of barriers.

First and foremost is the fact that other parents (and, sometimes, spouses) think there is no difference between “Free Range” and “criminally negligent” parenting.  I’m wondering how to start bringing those folks around. Devote a PTA meeting to the issue? (Which could, of course, horribly backfire. People LOVE to worry and sound self-righteous.) So, maybe we should all carry around child safety statistics that prove most kids aren’t being snatched and killed? Or organize an all-neighborhood walk-to-school week? Or have a big “Bring Your Kids to The Park Day” –

And then leave them there?

That would get some local press, I’d bet.

Anyway, have any of you tried anything like this? Or do you have any other ideas? If so, please post them on the newest Free Range tab we’ve added: IDEAS.

The other obstacle seems to be suburbia itself: It is hard to let kids get places on their own when the distances require a car. (Or maybe we just think they require a car.)  Any thoughts on how to deal with this biggie would also be appreciated.

I do worry that principals, school organizations and even police departments are so focused on uber-safety (and not getting sued), that it might not hard, in most places, to “work within the system.”

Love to hear your thoughts, ideas and experiences. — Lenore  

Some perspective from a parent and a kid

Free Rangers: I’m so glad about the conversation - and possibly new movement — going on below. Here are two letters that particularly struck me. I’ll highlight more as the weeks go by.

The first is from a 13-year-old who pleas - snarkily — for a little independence and parental perspective. Her friend’s dad is thinking of trailing the class field trip (for four days!) to make sure his daughter is safe.

If it’s getting to the point where a responsible adult cannot even trust other responsible adults - the ones at his kid’s school - I think we can agree that nothing outside of having his daughter sit in the living room will strike this dad as an acceptable risk.

The second letter might serve as a sobering reminder to him — and the rest of us: There is no place that is absolutely safe. Not even a living room. The letter speaks for itself in its poignancy and refusal to retreat from the world.

Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone

I left my 9-year-old at Bloomingdale’s (the original one) a couple weeks ago. Last seen, he was in first floor handbags as I sashayed out the door. Bye-bye! Have fun!

And he did. He came home on the subway and bus by himself .

Was I worried? Yes, a tinge. But it didn’t strike me as that daring, either. Isn’t New York as safe now as it was in 1963? It’s not like we’re living in downtown Baghdad.

Is Snow Going to Kill Your Kid?

Is there some snow on the ground by you? If so, do yourself a favor and go eat a handful. Have your kid eat some, too.

Then wait to see if you die. If you don’t — and you won’t — you will be joyously liberated from the latest WATCH OUT YOUR KID COULD DIE FROM DOING A NORMAL KID THING warning, this one about germs in snow.