The Dangers of Backyard Camping (Ghosts, Fugitives, Guy with One Bloody Hand)

Thanks to the intrepid reporters at The Onion, we are finally dealing with the truth about  backyard camping. It’s not  pretty.

23 Responses

  1. Awesome. Just awesome.

  2. fabulous. i love the onion.

  3. I love the Onion.

  4. I’ll be putting my kids’ tent in the front yard from now on, as this study clearly indicates all of these horrors exist in the back yard. I knew there was something going on back there!

  5. The Onion is so much fun sometimes. Now I know what to do when the kids are just driving me nuts.

  6. Ahahaha! That was awesome.

  7. hi – freakin – larious!

  8. LOVE the Onion. You never know what those guys will come up with next.

    Any bets that at least half the parents who read this take it seriously?

  9. I saw that this morning and thought of you first thing! lol

  10. That’s a RIOT.

  11. So funny! I loved camping in the backyard as a kid.

  12. Wow, The Onion. Forgot all about that source of great information–thanks for bringing it up!!

    I can’t county how many times we camped out as kids in the backyard with no one but our friends. I’m sure our parents enjoyed it as much as we did.

    Gulp, confession: I just don’t think I could take the leap right now, and let my own do it. Sad, I know. Yes, I would be nearly convinced that Jason, Freddy or Malikai from Children of the Corn would emerge.

    I’ll have to work on that one and take a free-range baby step first. Ugh.

  13. So ther you have. The facts are in. No camping in the back yard.

  14. Ha! I’ve got two 9 year olds in a tent in the backyard right now!

  15. That photoshopped picture of Sebelius is priceless! Thanks for the giggles!

  16. AAHH! That’s just so wrong, and yet so funny- oh my… I’m laughing at myself as much as I’m laughing at the ‘published research’…

  17. LOVE. IT.

  18. Darn it. I keep sending mine out in the backyard to camp and they keep coming out unscathed. What times are we living in when you can’t get a good chainsaw psychopath?

  19. I just love The Onion…and this blog. Thanks!

  20. another Onion bit-
    Scientists Discover Portal To Outside World

  21. So hilarious

  22. Wahahahaaaa!!! LOVE The Onion.
    My guys just camped out for the first time ever – in a friend’s backyard, but still. I let them toast marshmallows WITH POINTY STICKS. Over a BLAZING FIRE. I let them pee on trees (with my friend’s permission of course). I even let my 9yo sleep in a sleeping bag (no tent) – he didn’t even roll into the fire. Dangit all.

  23. Hi. I don’t know if you look this far back, but I feel like the worst parent in the world. We recently took our kids camping in Minnesota. In a National Reserve Campground. We let the three six year olds sleep in their own tent. A foot away from our tent door. And we have been laughed at, advised not to do it again, scolded, and told that we CANNOT do it again. I keep trying to figure out what the big deal is, and so far, I haven’t figured it out. We were RIGHT THERE. All night. The kids were not on their own campsite. They are not the type to try and get out and run around. They went to sleep. They woke up at 8 in the morning, started laughing about squishing bugs, and they came into our tent when they wanted to. I can’t figure it out. But I can tell you that it makes me want to keep them in our tent; just because everyone I ask seems to think that we committed some dire mistake.
    On this same camping trip, I let the kids walk to the bathroom together. SIx year olds. A boy and girl. Hand-in-hand. I told the boy to wait until sister was done before heading back. He did. They left, but went the wrong way. I found this out when I went to look for them, because they had been gone for longer than I felt it should take daughter to pee. They had gone out the wrong door, and they were confused about where our campsite was. They were talking to a man a few feet away from the bathroom. He pointed at me, and said, ‘Is that your mom?” They ran in my direction, thanking him over their shoulder. My son said they couldn’t figure out how to get back to the campsite. The daughter suggested they ask someone. My son said, “We tried to ask a woman with kids, but we only saw a guy and a guy with kids. So we asked the guy with kids. He said the campground was big, so we should ride around and look for you, but I said, ‘no way. we can’t get in your car.” he said, ‘okay, we can walk around and you see if we can find it.’ I told him that I was staying at campsite 8, but if we could find 2, I could find 8, because you just keep walking straight from there.’ That is when I came in. I was proud of my kids! Proud of them for putting into practice everything I had taught them about safety. Proud of them for knowing what to do and how to direct their “help”. He was proud of himself, for being able to “keep his sister safe”. He said, “She was freaking out. She didn’t think I could keep her safe.” What better way, really, to let your kids internalize what you want them to do in a real-life situation than to let them actually put it into practice? And see that it worked? And that they came out safe and full of pride???? Am i just plain nuts? Because it seems my family thinks so.

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