Hi Readers! Here’s a helpful new product, brought to us by Andrew Tallman, a talk show host on KPXQ in Phoenix!
Hello, this is Derek Baskerville, the president of Meteor Safe, a company I founded thirteen years ago when I discovered just how real the threat of being struck by space debris is to our children. Now, as most of you probably know, the majority of small asteroids and meteors which enter our atmosphere burn up long before they come to earth, but not all of them do. In fact, more than once each year, a rock the size of a quarter actually impacts the Earth somewhere. Well, obviously, a ping-pong ball sized piece of rock hurtling through the air at thousands of miles an hour will do horrible things to your children.
That’s why I started Meteor-Safe with our patented Safe-Head® technology. Here’s how it works. The radar array mounted on the fashionable headpiece will continuously monitor for the approach of space rocks. And if it detects one, it will immediately issue a small electric shock to your child’s ear on the side nearest the danger, forcing him to move suddenly the other direction and keeping him safe from even a softball-sized piece of space debris. In over 42 clinical trials, no one yet has been hit by such rocks when they were wearing our Meteor-Minder® technology.
But wait there’s more….
If you order now, I’ll even throw in a full box of our patented Piranha detector strips at no extra charge. Never again will you have to worry about the neighborhood pool or the creek in the woods. You can rest assured that your children will not come home missing a leg because of a sudden freshwater Piranha attack. The price is a mere $1,499 for both the Meteor-Safe headgear and the Piranha detector strips. We know that might seem like a lot, but you have to ask yourself, what price tag can you put on your children? And how much is it worth to have the peace of mind knowing that you won’t be one of those callous parents who has to explain to the other moms at PTA how your child was killed by a meteor because you wouldn’t spend the money to protect her?
Operators are standing by for loving parents only.