Hi Readers — One of the biggest frustrations in Free-Ranging is dealing with other people’s “What If?” fears. Why? Because they can never be answered! If a parent starts worrying about, “What if X, Y or Z happens while my child is doing…” anything, there is no way to say, “Don’t worry, it won’t.” Because, of course, something bad always COULD possibly happen.
“What if??” doesn’t take into account probability, or even reality. It just builds big, bright, horrible possibilities and projects them, Power Point-like, into the conversation: “Ha! You tell me not to worry, but LOOK at this! This COULD happen! What if it DOES? Then what, huh? You’re going to say you’re sorry? THAT’S NOT GOING TO MAKE THINGS ANY BETTER! I simply will NOT allow this, that or the other to (possibly) happen to my child!”
And pretty soon there’s no sleepover (because what if it’s an orgy?) and no field trip (because what if the bus flips over?) and no time to play, unsupervised, with friends (because what if he breaks his arm? What if they bully him? What if he’s thirsty and he forgot his water bottle?).
I’m trying to come up with great examples for my (potential next) book because WHAT IF I don’t? Yiiiikes!
I’d like stories of other folks’ “What If?”s and your own “What If?”-ing, too: A time you worried about something, and managed to put those fears aside, and what happened next.
So I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and now let’s rock this pessimistic, paranoid culture to its core! — Lenore
Readers — I gotta go cook a turkey, but meantime, look at this. The REASON this Cleveland elementary school is making Chapstick contraband is that kids might SHARE it:
Parents were afraid that children would share the Chapstick and spread germs,” [schools spokeswoman] Sessoms said. “By requiring written permission from the parents, parents would be aware that their children had Chapstick and would be able to remind them not to share it with other children. This would also be a way for teachers to be aware so that they could deter students from sharing it with others.”
For this same reason they have banned hand sanitizer and sunscreen.
Come to think of it, maybe I should cancel my Thanksgiving dinner. The guests might end up passing the food! That’s sharing, right? And what if, God forbid, someone accidentally picks up someone else’s glass and sips from it? Think of the danger!
It’s just not worth it. This whole “community” thing has got to go! This school is on the right track: For safety’s sake, no human contact from now on. — L.
Filed under: Infantilizing young folk, Insurance repercussions, School and Zero Tolerance and Bullies, Uncategorized | Tagged: bacteria, Chapstick, germ, overprotection, school, share, zero tolerance | 122 Comments »
Hi Readers — A bunch of you pointed to this story today and indeed, it’s pretty irresistible: A teacher sent a memo home to all sixth grade students saying the could NOT bring pencils to class. Furthermore “…
any students caught with pencils or pens after Nov. 15 would face disciplinary action for having materials ‘to build weapons.'”
The higher-ups at school later said the teacher was not authorized to send home this note. (Then they took her out back and shot her with a Ticonderoga #2.) — Lenore
Hi Readers! This is such a disturbing story. A Scottish boy who was 10 was painting scenery on the ground for a school play back in 2003 when one of the other painters got up, bumping into him. This caused him to fall on another student’s paintbrush, which — this is so horrible — pierced him through the eye, causing blindness in the eye and brain damage.
Now a court has ruled that the teachers at the school should have “foreseen” that such an event was, if not likely, at least POSSIBLE. Wrote the judge:
When one looks at the whole circumstances of the use of the brush, a real risk of injury emerges as foreseeable. A reasonable person in the position of the teachers would have taken steps to prevent that foreseeable risk of harm…”
According to the BBC report, the judge said the painting could have been done with “safer” brushes, and at the kids’ desks, rather than on the ground.
As if the ground is so darn dangerous.
Now, obviously, what’s extremely upsetting about this is not JUST that the school has since outlawed “long” paintbrushes, and now sees painting as a dangerous activity. It’s the notion of “reasonable” foresight and how this encourages a totally paranoid way of thinking. If we are all supposed to have the foresight to prevent all freak accidents that might someday, somehow happen under the most mundane of circumstances, we would have to get rid of every item in every place any child could ever be. Because — hey — a child COULD choke on a lemon, or slip on a slipper, or impale herself on a toothbrush. Let’s ban them all now, before we’re on the line for millions, as this school might be.
What happened to the boy is a tragedy. No need to compound it. — Lenore
Filed under: Insurance repercussions, School and Zero Tolerance and Bullies, Uber Safety, Uncategorized | Tagged: accident, judge, law, lawsuit, lawyer, legal, litigious, litigiousness, paintbrush, school, Scotland | 48 Comments »
Hi Readers: Or rather, a belated HELLO! I am so sorry I totally missed alerting us all to World Hello Day on the 21st– a day when we are all exhorted to greet 10 different people. This reminds them and ourselves that most people are pretty good, and that talking beats fighting. Also that everyone is better off when we are greeting each other, rather than, say, sneering or snorting or staring with ill-concealed suspicion. So why not make this long Thanksgiving weekend a Hello Weekend?
And yes, that means even saying a kindly hello to the folks you see across the turkey. — Lenore
Hi Readers! Well, it’s not that I want to see MORE Worst-First thinking out there. I’m just looking for examples of it — examples of incidents when people, confronted by normal behavior (like the kindergarteners in the post below this one) AUTOMATICALLY interpret it in the WORST way FIRST. E.g, “This is perverted!” rather than, “This is probably quite normal.”
The most salient example I have of this I may have already told you about. A young man at a grocery store passed a mom and a kid in an aisle and waved at the child. Nice.
He happened upon them in another aisle and waved again. When he got to the third aisle, the manager came up and asked him to leave.
WHAT could the young man have been doing that was bad? “Grooming” the child for a later assignation? Grooming the mom so she’d trust him and let him, a total stranger, come over and babysit? Seducing the toddler in his shopping cart seat? But “Worst First” thinking means imagining the most repulsive possibility, no matter how outlandish, and acting as if it were already happening.
I’ve you’ve witnessed this, or experienced it — or FOUGHT it — I’d love to hear your story as I gather ammo for more my (hopefully) next book, or at least an article on this topic.
Many thanks! I’m thinking the BEST of you! — Lenore