I Weep for My City (Banning Homemade Goods At Bake Sales)

Because, as we all know, the lack of funds for library books and gym equipment doesn’t kill kids, homemade cupcakes do. Nothing like a micromanaged snack. Check this out. And bartender? Make it another milk. Straight up, no cookies. — Lenore

P.S. My husband says we can’t call it a bake sale anymore either. How about a Fake Sale? The Deli in the Gym? Or maybe Processed Food Sale. That’ll bring ’em galumphing.

Farewell to a Home-Baked Friend

More bake sale news. This time, a goodbye to all homemade treats at a Long Island school — complete with a farewell cake. Maybe instead of selling cupcakes, kids in afterschool clubs can sell their blood? — Lenore

Get Thee Behind Me, Cupcake

Dear Readers: Use your imagination to conjure up the deepest, most Moviefone-ish voice in your head and now hear it intoning this: “In a world, where the school day is 10 hours long. In a world, where there is no summer vacation. In a world where recess is shortened to make time for test prep and teachers cannot hug a second grader who has collapsed under the weight of her 28-pound backpack, comes the unthinkable: No bake sales.”

It’s enough to make Jerry Bruckheimer hide under his desk, but in my own little burg, New York City, the powers that be are now hard at work at banishing bake sales to just once a month, and only AFTER lunch has been consumed or 6 p.m. (presumably whichever comes first). This is supposed to prevent obesity.

You want to prevent obesity, Mr. Mayor? How about making recess an hour long, every day? How about guaranteeing gym three days a week? How about putting crossing guards at all the major intersections so kids come skipping to school? (Ours was there maybe 1/8th of the time.) How about banning car drop-offs? How about making enough real lunch so that hungry kids can always have seconds, so they don’t NEED a cupcake to fill them up? (At my kids’ school, the lunch ladies often ran short.) 

I agree, I guess, that American kids are getting too much junk food, but bake sales raise money and morale at the same time. They’re fun. They’re communal. They’re CUPCAKES, for gosh’ sake, not crack cakes. Here’s the article on the whole shebang. Long live the bake sale!!