EVERYONE Gets Separated from their Kids at Some Point (Even Prime Ministers)

Hey Folks — Here’s a little anecdote to start your day. Apparently the British Prime Minister, David Cameron, left his 8-year-old daughter in a pub. It was (almost) the usual kind of mix up: He left with his bodyguards and assumed she was with his wife and the other kids. Mom (or, I guess, “Mum”) assumed the girl was with daddy. In fact, she was in the bathroom and emerged to find her family gone.

While the Associated Press reports the parents were “distraught” when they realized she wasn’t with either, they called the pub and learned she was fine. She’d been separated from the fam for about 15 minutes. So why is any of this worthy of anything more than an amused smile that we’re all in this together?

SEE THE POST BELOW THIS ONE! That’s why!

In Tennessee, a woman who couldn’t find her kids for a short while was thrown in JAIL after she called 911 for help locating them. By the time the cops arrived at her house, so had her kids. Point is: These temporary blips are not evidence of BAD parenting, they are evidence of PARENTING, PERIOD.

We’ve all had those heart-stopping moments of wondering, “Oh my god, where did ________ go?” It’s no fun to live through them, but it’s not proof that we did anything wrong. LIFE IS NOT PERFECT. Parents are not perfect. Even Prime Ministers are not perfect (and no getting into politics here!).

When we criminalize everyday parenting foibles, we are ALL CRIMINALS.

Okay. Enough with the CAPITALS. Have a great week! And we shall talk soon about my FREE-RANGE KIDS PICNIC COMING UP THAT YOU ARE ALL INVITED TO ON SATURDAY, JUNE 23. (Okay NOW no more capitals.) – L

Prime Minister David Cameron will be charged with abuse and neglect for losing track of his child for 15 minutes. Oh wait…no he won’t. That’s the story UNDER THIS ONE.

Big Lunch, Great Idea!

Hi Folks and Merry Christmas, Hanukah and whatever else good is going on. In the spirit of reaching out, creating community and, of course, eating, here’s a great idea I just heard about: The Big Lunch. Check it out:

The Big Lunch is a very simple idea from the Eden Project. The aim is to get as many people as possible across the whole of the UK to have lunch with their neighbours in a simple act of community, friendship and fun.

This year it happened on Sunday 5th June when the best part of two million people took part. Next year it falls on the same weekend as The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations on Sunday 3rd June 2012. A record number of people are expected to take part. Make sure you’re one of them!

A Big Lunch can be anything from a few neighbours getting together in the garden or on the street, to a full blown party with food, music and decoration that quite literally stops the traffic.

How I love this idea! So simple and so fun. Let’s get The Big Lunch started everywhere! I’ll remind you again as summer comes around. In the meantime, bask in the joy of the season upon us, and look forward to more connecting in the year to come. — L.

A Question About the Toilet Down the Hall

Hi Folks! Here’s a question about bathroom break protocol at a Sunday School. Weigh in! — L

Dear Free-Range Kids: What got me interested in this movement is a conversation I had at church just over a week ago. I’m my church’s Health and Safety Officer, but we also have a Child Protection Officer who is also Churchwarden.  She approached me just before the service and asked my opinion on what age a child should be allowed to go to the toilet unaccompanied.

I should explain the toilet is in a room adjoining the church which connects with the school and has a door opening onto the school yard. This is left open so the Sunday School students can go into the school hall and return to the church later. The Churchwarden seemed to be worried that a stranger might climb over the fence into the yard and attack a child using the toilet.

She was called away by someone and the service started a minute later so I didn’t get a chance to reply, but the question lingered with me. Talking to her later, I suggested a cutoff age of 12. I actually thought younger would be fine, but felt that that would probably cause outrage, knowing how paranoid people can be about child safety. To my absolute astonishment she said others had convinced her it should be 14, as this was the legal age children could be left on their own in the UK!

I have since found out that is untrue — there is no proscribed legal age its up to the judgment of the parents.

I didn’t press the issue then but I have been researching it and that’s what led me to this website. I must say it’s one of the most heartening things I’ve ever come across. I work in a secondary school as a science technician and I’ve often felt sad at how restricted children are compared to when I was growing up.

But, back to the church issue. I’m sure she’ll bring it up at the next Church Council meeting, but I intend to fight a cutoff age of 14. Just what sort of society are we creating if a young person of 12 or 13 can’t be allowed the dignity of going to the loo on their own in broad daylight?

I agree! And I’d set the age a lot younger. I actually think first graders can get themselves to and from the bathroom on their own. Didn’t most of us? I sure did. And after reading (in the comments on the post below this one) about the 4 and 5-year-olds using machetes elsewhere in the world, I have a feeling we First World denizens REALLY underestimate what our kids of capable of.

What’s more, the idea that some miscreant is going to scale a fence in the  hopes of maybe finding a kid in the bathroom on the other side is bizarre in its unlikeliness. If I were a thug, I’d certainly prefer committing a crime that did not require me to start by climbing.

The whole situation sounds safe and simple, and let’s not forget it! — L

SANITY! England Recovers from Background Check Mania!

Hi Readers! This story is almost too exciting in its implications. England had been requiring background checks for anyone who had any contact with kids once week. (And the original proposal over there would have covered folks having any contact with kids once a MONTH. Sheesh!) The assumption, of course, was that predators are everywhere. Also, that predators all come with a rap sheet clearly labeled, “PREDATOR” and thus could be easily weeded out. The result? Any mom or dad who wanted to volunteer at school, or help out at Scouts, couldn’t do that unless they underwent “vetting.”

But over the summer the government halted the program to study whether it was doing any good or simply driving all adults away from all kids. The Home Secretary, Theresa May, actually called the program “draconian.”

And now it its being repealed! Employers will still be expected to screen their staffs, but that’s about half the people who would have been background checked under the old system.

Why is this such welcome news? Because as a society we have been so gripped with predator panic these past 20 years or so that we have stopped treating human/child interaction as anything other than pedophilia waiting to happen. As our fear for our children grew, we went beyond sensible caution over to rank paranoia. The result was to see all adults through the lens of, “Get away from my child, you creep!” Adults grew scared of kids, kids were told to distrust adults.

I’m hoping that Britain’s re-evaluation will be their shot heard ’round the world, making the rest of us stand back and say, “Wait! Maybe it is time to stop thinking the very worst of all adults, all the time.” Hail Britannia! — Lenore

Land of Monty Python and newly discovered sense!

Hey Kids, It’s Fireworks Time! Sort Of. Inside. On a Screen.

Hi Readers! In one English town, outdoor fireworks have been deemed too “dangerous” (and chilly) for kids to enjoy. So now the fireworks are inside, reports the Small World News Service:

Instead of wrapping up warm to enjoy the bangs of fireworks around 100 youngsters will sit inside watching images on a projector screen.

The virtual fireworks are accompanied by sounds of explosions, including ‘bangs’, ‘whistles’ and ‘crackles’ recorded from outdoor displays.

Childrens groups have accused the event’s organisers of subscribing to ”cotton wool culture” and killing off an important British tradition.

But organisers hailed their indoor bonfire night as ‘safer’ than big outdoor events, which must meet stringent council health and safety regulations.

How long before kids come inside after school to watch videos of other children playing in the park? Hey — it’s ALMOST the same thing. And it’s so safe! — Lenore

Outrage of the Day: Dad Faces Legal Action for Not Walking 7 y.o. to Bus Stop

Hi Readers! Here’s today’s story from across the pond (thank you, Virtual Linguist, for sending it along): A father who lets his 7 year old daughter walk to and from the school bus stop has been threatened by the authorities who say they may report him to child protective services. And just how far away is the bus stop?

20 yards.

The girl has to cross what the dad calls a country lane on the way. He thinks it’s very safe. He thinks his daughter is capable of handling it. But apparently, the local county council does not. And while it was busy chastising him, it added that the girl was seen not wearing a sweater (or “jumper” as they call it over there) on a chilly day — further proof of gross parental negligence.

So I guess it is time to arrest all of us whose kids (like mine, this morning) don’t take a jacket even though we think they should.

And incidentally: as my post below this one was all about how the news only reports the most unusual events, let’s keep this weird one in perspective, too. While it seems to represent a trend toward institutionalizing overprotection, it’s not like most parents are being arrested for letting their kids walk to school.

(Possibly because most parents are DRIVING them. But that’s another story.) — L.

Amazing Photos of Childhood from the Last Century

Hi Readers — I loved scrolling through these old British photos, some heartwarming, some harrowing. Here at Free-Range Kids we talk a lot about how childhood has changed since when we were growing up. These show how childhood has changed since our parents (and maybe even grandparents?)  were growing up. Particularly striking was the photo of a classroom full of children sitting at their desks, each kid bundled in a blanket. The open windows indicate that they needed fresh air despite the cold, which probably means they all had tuberculosis.

As 2010 parents worry whether a child can be alone in the car while mom picks up the pizza because life is just “too dangerous!” and “times have changed!” and “anything could happen!” these pix provide a quickie lesson in perspective. And gratitude. — Lenore

Outrage of the Week Reversed! Maybe All Men AREN’T Pervs, Airline Realizes

Hey Readers! Good news! You’ll recall that British Airways had a rule that forbid any adult male from sitting next to any minor who was not his own child. Blogged about it here. The (unstated) reason for the rule? ALL MEN ARE PERVERTS…until proven otherwise. And since there’s really no way TO  “prove otherwise,” they airline simply assumed the worst.

British Airways didn’t move women, it only moved men, perhaps believing that guys routinely use this time in a public space,  surrounded by lots of other passengers, and people walking through the aisles, and flight attendants, to prey upon young folks. It’s a lovely view of the world, and males in particular. But Mirko Fischer took exception. Here’s the story, from the BBC:

Last year he was on a flight from London back to his home in Luxembourg when his pregnant wife Stefanie asked him to swap seats so she could sit next to the window.

He took her middle seat but cabin crew, who mistakenly believed he was alone, told him to move back to his original seat as he had ended up sitting next to a boy he did not know.

In June Mr Fischer told the BBC: “I felt humiliated and outraged. They accuse you of being some kind of child molester just because you are sitting next to someone.”

Fischer sued the airline for sex discrimination — and won. Though the airline admitted sex discrimination only in this one case, it has changed its seating procedure and will now group unaccompanied kids together. (Avoid sitting in front of that row!)  Unlike many American litigants, Fischer didn’t sue for a lot of money and, in any event, he’s giving the damages he received plus about $5000 of his own money to charities that protect children.

Protect them from real dangers, that is: abuse, neglect, hunger. Not from the vast majority of men who — surprise! — have zero interest in having sex with young kids. — Lenore

Guest Post: How to Get Kids Outside & Exploring Again

Hi Readers — Here’s a note and a plug from a Free-Ranger across the pond  who has come up with a new way to lure kids outside. His name is Daniel Raven-Ellison, he lives in London and he’s a “geography activist.” As such he’s a founding member of The Geography Collective — a partnership of geography teachers, academics, artists and explorers.

Their goal? To get kids adventuring again and learning their way around, so they become curious, clever and bold. To find out more about Mission Explore, click here, and to find out more about the Geography Collective itself (which still has me a bit befuddled), click here. To order their book of “missions,” which really sound fun — things like “Let Your Dog Take You for a Walk,” and “Draw a Local Fantasy Map” — click here if you’re in America, and here if you’re in England.

Then stop clicking and go explore already! — L.

Are you ready to Mission: Explore? By Daniel Raven-Ellison, The Geography Collective

I am father of a 6-year-old boy who is somewhere outside. He is probably going on another adventure down the overgrown public alleyway, searching for our cat Mushroom. I’m not that worried about him because I (mostly) trust him. I also have good reason to think our wider community will not harm him, though I do fear some locals being afraid to help or even speak to him. His ability to play outdoors is key to his wellbeing and development (and that of his community), but a culture of risk aversion is putting him in harm’s way not only now, but in the future.

Exploration is one of the best forms of play. It is essentially a process of asking questions and searching for their answers. The “journey” may be real or imagined,  near or far, but it always involves thinking. It is a creative process which in all its forms  — physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, sensual — involves taking risks and using imagination. By limiting children with unreasonable boundaries they end up having fewer experiences from which they can imagine possible solutions. If we are to have creative children, they must have the right to explore.

My son’s ability  to find our cat would clearly be reduced if he’d never thought through where Mushroom goes — when and why? In the future it may well be these same skills will help him to deal with issues in his family, community and places of work.

Just in the same way that the media frequently distort dangers (even though it is safer in the long term to play outdoors for our mental and physical health!), it does the same for exploration. The media are fascinated with the new, distant, rare, exotic, dangerous and inappropriate. The reality is that everyday life is mostly safe and that everyday explorations can be enjoyed in every neighbourhood.

Two years ago a group of us formed The Geography Collective to engage young people with geography. We have developed guerrilla geography which gets children “doing” geography at unexpected times and in unexpected places. This is geography, but not as you know it. It’s not just about listing place names, but questioning the world in new ways. We’re interested in the geography of lost cats, marginalized people, hidden issues and challenging injustice. Our geography is as critical as it is radical.

To challenge the cotton wool culture that is damaging our communities and to show how powerful geographical thinking is, we have written Mission:Explore. Made up of 102 illustrated missions that can be undertaken anywhere in the world (not just England), the book encourages children to engage with their community in new ways.

The book is aimed at people aged 10 to 10,000 though my 6-year-old loves it. It’s for individuals, families, clubs and teachers to attempt missions that get everyone thinking about the world in new ways.

All of our book royalties are being invested in free copies of the book for deprived children. Currently if anyone buys two copies of the book from our website we are giving a third copy to a kid who can’t afford their own.

I really hope that you love Mission:Explore and see the value in what we are doing with it. If you have any questions or requests please get in contact through our website: missionexplore.co.uk. — Daniel

Maybe Everyone in England DOESN’T Need a Background Check

Hi Readers — Things are roiling in England where it seems the powers that be are finally reconsidering their bizarre policy of requiring background checks for ANYONE having ANY contact with kids. That included authors coming to speak in schools, moms (or “mums”) volunteering to work as class parents, field trip chaperones — in all, 9 million people were required to get checked. Or they were about to be, anyway, until a few days ago when the “Home Secretary” made remarks to the effect of: What a paranoid policy! Let’s get dump it!

This unleashed a flood of comments, pro and con. So here’s where we pick up the story, via The Guardian:

Headteachers also said the checks would “ruin school life” by putting in jeopardy foreign exchange trips and affecting parents who help out with school plays and sports teams.

The home secretary said she had halted the implementation of the scheme because it had become clear it was a draconian measure.”We were finding the prospect of a lot of people who do very good work up and down the country, were actually saying: ‘I can’t be bothered to if you are going to treat me like that’,” said May.

“You were assumed to be guilty, in a sense, until you were proven innocent and told you could work with children. By scaling it back we will be able to introduce a greater element of common sense. What we have got to do is actually trust people again.”

How I wholeheartedly agree with the home secretary! (And how I NEED a home secretary…but I think that’s another story.) Anyway, inevitably her remarks prompted a backlash, including the usual, “It’s a good day to be a predatory pedophile!” Also inevitably, the story ran with the adorable photo of two English girls who disappeared in 2002, and whose fate prompted the whole background check mania.

I can’t figure out exactly where things stand now, but I am very glad the “scheme” is getting a second look, rather than just steamrolling forward. The idea behind the checks is very much the same idea as in the post below this one, about the 14-year-old boy arrested for trying to help a toddler find her mom: Assuming the very worst motives of ANYONE involved with children in ANY capacity.

Makes for a dark world of suspicion, fear and false accusations. But I guess it’s good for the background checking companies!  — Lenore