Recent Tweets and Tidbits!

Hi Readers — I know not all of you follow Twitter, so I’m pasting some recent tweets (Tweets?) here for your perusal. Wonder which ones you’ll comment on! L.

Swing sets removed from some W. Va. schools after kid jumps off, breaks arm, gets $20,000. Stop the insanity!  http://bit.ly/d36m4y

Strong essay: “Confessions of a Childhood Bully” — a woman who tormented her baby sis as a kid, just…because: http://aol.it/bSmYYZ

Yowza. SLEEPOVERS are the latest parental obsession. Parents TERRIFIED. http://bit.ly/9XZQGb

Warning! EVERYTHING can kill you! Especially onion dip! And escalators! (My piece, in Readers Digest): http://bit.ly/c2jbLn

“Judge not.” Moving, realistic piece on Babble about blaming parents when their kids die: http://bit.ly/9gU7r7

Boy wears girly Hallo costume: “My son is gay. Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5.” Yay! http://bit.ly/bZukyO

That’s it for now! Talk later — L.

Some Thoughts on “Deadly Bullying”

Hi Readers! I just got back to the United States and the first thing I saw at the airport was, naturally, People Magazine. This week’s cover story, “Deadly Bullying,” was prompted by the horrible case of Tyler Clementi. Tyler’s college roommate streamed live video of his sexual encounter with a man, leading Tyler to commit suicide.

I have no problem linking this horrible invasion of privacy — this absolute betrayal of human decency — to Tyler’s death. I do have a problem with calling it “bullying.”

Why? Because this was beyond bullying. It was a hate crime. By calling it “bullying” we are lumping together everything from a  “Smelly belly!” taunt on the bus to  an unconscionable act of cruelty. Not that it is easy to bear a “Smelly belly!” taunt. But that there is still a difference of magnitude. When we obscure that, childhood  becomes even more worrisome to parents. All of us already worried about bullying are now going to worry about bullying…to death.

No one is in favor of kids (or anyone) hurting or humiliating each other. No one thinks bullying is a good idea. For the record, I hate bullies and bullying, want to see them gone — this is not a post that intends to dismiss the hurt that bullying can inflict.  But the act of broadcasting a private sexual encounter is criminal. To call it “bullying” makes it sound childish, at the same time it also makes anything childish sound criminal.

The result is to make us parents ever more confused and terrified. As if we weren’t confused and terrified enough for our kids. — Lenore

Now We’re Supposed to Manage Our Kids’ Friendships? Or Else???

Hi Readers — Here’s a lovely guest post responding to The New York Times article from last week, “A Best Friend? You Must Be Kidding,” by Hilary Stout. The article was all about “friendship coaches” and teaching our kids the “right” way to be friends. Blecch. Enjoy the counterpoint.  L.

Dear Free Range Kids: NJ Mom here. After reading the New York Times friendship article,  I went on such a rant that Lenore asked me to pull myself together and write something up.

The article concerns the latest bizarre twist to the seemingly never-ending micromanaging of middle/upper middle class children. In a nutshell: You can’t have a best friend anymore, it might hurt someone’s feelings. Instead, to avoid exclusivity, cliques, and bullying, children should be friends with a bunch of kids, with no one person being more special than another.

OMG. Can’t we just leave these poor children alone, even for just a minute? Can’t we just let them be mean, or nice, or scared, or bored, or sad or angry or even not a “success” at school? Can’t we, as the adults, simply guide them on their journey to adulthood, instead of preventing them from feeling any pain–ever?

As my mother says, “I sure wouldn’t want to be a mother in this day and age.” She’s right. The pretty straightforward job of childrearing has become so, so…messy and convoluted. And it is just too damn much work.

All my children have to do is open their eyes in the morning, and they have more of everything than do millions and millions of other children, from potable water to two parents who love and enjoy them. We as parents, teachers, “childrearing experts,” and school administrators must let go of this delusion that we can fix everything for our children. They already have everything they need and can manage very well without us constantly messing with the minutia of their lives.

I do hope it’s obvious that I’m not advocating the absence of parenting. I’m simply saying that adults should guide and support the children in their care, not interfere to such a degree that real life passes them by.

To end this post, I decided to go to some true experts on kids and friendship, my 11 year-old daughter and her 13 year-old friend. I asked: Do you think it’s ok to have a best friend? “Yeah, sure, why not?” Might it hurt your other friends’ feelings if you are best friends with just one person? “Sometimes, but usually no, because you’re still friends with the other friends.” Do you think that having just one best friend can create cliques and then maybe even bullying? “No, bullying is when one person punches another person. It also happens because parents didn’t teach them any better.”

And there you have it. — NJ Mom