Crazy Safe!Gov’t Recalls MACHETE as “Laceration Hazard”

This is ever so slightly off-topic (except that it highlights our societal assumption that everything is unsafe and everyone is super stupid), but thank you, Reader Laura, for sending in today’s product recall . The Consumer Product Safety Commission is telling consumers to immediately “stop using” the 20-inch-long, saw-tooth Gerber Gator Machete (related to Gerber hunting knives, not baby food), because stitches could result “if the user’s hand slips off the handle and slides forward across the machete blade.”

I’ll bet this product could cause a lot of harm, too, if accidentally sawed across somebody’s windpipe. And imagine if someone used it to clean their ears! Whew! So thank you,  Consumer Product Safety people, for thinking hard about saws and safety! We are all better off for it! — Lenore

P.S. Hey readers — thanks to your comments I finally understand that this is a 2-fer device: One side saw, one side knife. That being the case, I do understand the need, if not for a recall, at least for a little guard (like the kind you put on skates) that you could put over the sharp side when you’re using the saw. Sorry I didn’t get that at first! — Lenore

This device should probably be recalled, too. CAUTION! May cause falling trees!